Why do ACoAs struggle with intimacy and relationships?

Why do ACoAs struggle with intimacy and relationships?

ACoAs often find themselves in Push/Pull dynamics with other key people– they would love to have close relationships with friends, partners, spiritual advisors, and other guides, but find this incredibly difficult for fear of being left, hurt, abused or losing themselves. It whittles down to having a hard time setting boundaries, telling others No or disagreeing, and voicing hurts when they occur in the relationship. Or, due to low self-esteem, choosing unavailable/distant/dysfunctional people who will send them into a similar chaotic cycle familiar to their childhoods– to be left, hurt and abused all over again.

Either way, the ACoA struggles to remain separate but close in relationship. Due to their tendency to approach the relationship in extremes, they have difficulty having the bound of “who they are” and “who the other person is” and that each is responsible for their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. At times, an ACoA might fall into Love Addiction, as explained in this article.